Well we have just arrived in Singapore and all I can say is HYGEINE ROCKS MAN!!!!
Not only have we been hit by culture shock, but we have arrived during Singapore’s month long food festival so we are in absolute heaven….. well that is only if our bowels return to normal….
Dear God… a solid bowel motion…is that too much to ask???????!!
Hey at least we both lost lots of weight… which is cool since our plan was to try and return home with six packs….
Avril’s done quite well but all I have is a bit of a pint or two… I guess it’s true that the only men over 30 allowed to have six packs are gay men…doh…
In any case, we have decided to head home as flights to beaches are a bit too expensive for the little time we have left. Not to mention we are absolutely well and truly buggered.
Man… Being sick and all the trekking has completely drained us so being at home is sounding pretty good right now.
But since Singapore isn’t that interesting to write about for this blog, we’ll leave you with one more funny story from our trek which proves how awesome a boyfriend I am.
So last week on our way back down from Everest Base Camp, we decided to hike up to Gokyo which is a 4-5 day side trip up a second valley where there are a couple of frozen lakes and another different view of Everest.
Now on the first night heading up to Gokyo we had stopped at a small village called Machhermo 4410m which was perched scarily on a cliff with a 300m drop straight down into the valley below.
Well by now unfortunately Avril had developed diarrhea and on that night she REALLY had to go to the toilet sometime after midnight… so of course instead of going alone, she friggin wakes me up to go with her!
Now of course in Nepal the toilets are outdoors and are really just a big hole in the ground with a small outhouse built over the top. But this toilet was even more scary as it was literally on the very edge of the cliff to the point where a small earthquake would have sent us and the toilet over the edge in SHITTY death fall!
So of course friggin Avril wakes me to come out with her to stand guard outside on this scary-arsed cliff ledge while she did her thing. AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGH!
Now all you guys know when your girlfriend asks you to get up and go to the outside toilet with her, you always firstly pretend like you are still asleep and didn’t hear her. But then when she says “Are you awake? Don’t you need to go to the toilet too?” and then starts poking… you know you are sunk! You are just going to have to get up and go… even though you always say “Do you really need me to come with you? REALLY??? Why can’t you go yourself?”
Well that never works… you know you just have to get up and go! FUCK!
Now I can tell you it was FUCKING COLD as well pitch black and I was barely awake… But as a good boyfriend, I stood patiently outside the toilet in the pitch black cold on the edge of a cliff watching my breath forming into mist in the starlight whilst faint noises of glacial ice cracking echoed in the far distance.
Now it did dawn on me how wonderful it was standing on this cliff edge under starlight in the middle of the Himalayas, and it really should have been a truly beautiful moment… But all that tranquility was suddenly shattered by Avril’s bowel sounds which suddenly EXPLODED and pierced the still night air.
HOLY CRAP!!! Her fart and diarrhea sounds literally echoed and reverberated through the Gokyo Valley… and… I shit you not… it TOTALLY made it sound 20 times louder!
And it didn’t stop…
It just kept going and going and going…
And so here I am shivering and waiting and wondering… “Why am I here. I should just wander back to bed and she’ll catch up. Surely she’s not scared of the locals in such a remote little village.”
But then eventually when I think she had emptied her entire colon several times over, she stumbles out of the toilet, whilst I was by then turning blue from the cold and says to me “Thanks for standing out here. I was really scared a Yeti would get me…”
Not a person… A YETI???!!! Yep a FRIGGIN YETI!!!!!!!! THE ABOMINABLE FUCKING SNOWMAN!!!!
Holy crap… my girlfriend almost causes me to freeze to death and possible plummet of a cliff edge to my doom because of a Yeti… A friggin MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well I really should have been PISSED OFF!!! But then HOLY COW, she then tells me about a passage in the Lonely Planet that says that in 1974 in this very village of Machhermo, a local woman was attacked and her Yaks were killed by an actual Yeti which is apparently the most plausible genuine Yeti sighting in the entire history of Yeti sightings.
Man… well OK then… Guarding my sick girlfriend from Yetis on a freezing cliff toilet in the middle of the night…
BOYFRIEND SUPER POWERS – LEVEL UP!!!
Well if anyone gives a toss, we have uploaded all our Nepal photos for you all to look at including my before and after shots…
And here are a couple of shots of Singapore
Anyways, thanks for sharing our trip with us and again thanks for all the lovely replies…. you know we just love showing off in internet cafes with how many replies we have… it’s hard being popular….
We wanted to reply personally to a lot of you, but time is scarce and we’d rather be shopping, eating at Hawker stalls and drinking High Tea at the Raffles Hotel in Singapore so we’ll do it at home.
See all you soon…
Lotsa of shagginess to you all…
Yakmeister and Pooper Scooper